Wrong Numbers and Mistaken Identities

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Identify theft is a hot topic lately, with cyber crooks swiping millions of credit card numbers from Target and other retail outlets. Certainly one can’t be too careful when most of us conduct much of our business online, relying on passwords to access bank accounts, credit cards and even Netflix. I am quite cautious, using several passwords and never having the same one for, say, the bank account and my email.  I have a mental image of this army of unshaven weasels hiding in dark rooms, hunched over screens trying to break into my account so they can run up a tab with amazon.com and cost me untold hours of grief trying to sort it out.

Instead of some sleaze attempting to purloin my identity, lately people keep getting me mixed up with other people. Some have the same name while another apparently has a similar phone number.

For a short time nearly three years ago, I used a Google Voice phone number for a short-lived business in Austin. This number was automatically forwarded to both my cell phone and a transcript of any message was sent to my email. I gave up the number — or at least I thought I did — when the business idea didn’t pan out. (Google Voice numbers are free. Like most Google apps, the company makes its money off advertising.)

Anyway, an attorney in Austin apparently has mistakenly given out the old Google voice number to folks in a case involving one of his clients who is in jail for a minor crime. It is a bit hard to tell exactly what is going on, since the transcripts are usually garbled. Computer software still hasn’t quite perfected transcribing voice recordings. Starting in mid-December, every few days I get an email transcript of a phone call to the old Google Voice number. At first I was also getting text messages but those finally stopped.

The attorney’s client, who is in jail in San Antonio, has called the number collect a few times, obviously to no avail. I’m not accepting the charges, even if I knew how. I finally went online and figured out that the attorney’s phone number and my Google voice number had the same four digits at the end — just in different order.

So I called the attorney’s correct office number and left a message explaining that a bunch of lawyers and at least one jailed client kept leaving voicemails on my Google number that he was not receiving, and if he needed more information to call my cell phone. He didn’t call back. He probably thought I was a crank or just fixed the problem, since I haven’t received any more wayward Google calls in a day or so.

The other recent case of mistaken identity involves President Borders. I began receiving emails last summer congratulating me on my impending move to Russia to do missionary work for the Church of Latter Day Saints. I did a bit of Internet sleuthing to figure out that Garry Borders (note the two “r”s in the first name) had the same email address as me except for that single extra character. He and his wife were about to move from Spokane to Moscow where he will serve as president of the mission there — hence the title.

I still get emails meant for him on occasion. The latest came from a Russian woman asking permission to use old Russian cartoons in her classes teaching Russian to the Mormon missionaries. She wrote: “It would be SO effective!!!! They will love Russian more, and they will understand Russian culture better! They are very kind! About the importance of serving each other, about friendship and being a good man. For example, Цветик Семицветик, Чебурашка, Чебурашка.”

She lost me when she lapsed into Cyrillic. I replied and told the Russian woman to add another “r” to the president’s email address. I could not resist adding that I thought showing cartoons was an excellent idea, for what it was worth. She didn’t respond, no doubt figuring I was just another cheeky American.

I used to get a few emails meant for Sheriff Gary Borders down in Lake County, Fla., but that hasn’t happened in several years. It was all junk anyway, so I didn’t worry he was missing a vital clue in a case.

Sheriff Borders inspired me to imitate a lawman for my beginning reporting class, and have them interview me for a reporting assignment. I resemble a sheriff  about like I do an NBA player, but at least I have the jargon down after decades of covering cops.

If I receive any more wayward emails meant for President Borders, I will send them along. But that attorney is on his own.

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