{"id":818,"date":"2011-10-21T21:21:31","date_gmt":"2011-10-22T02:21:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/garyborders.atomicnewstools.com\/pages\/?p=818"},"modified":"2012-01-28T21:21:48","modified_gmt":"2012-01-29T03:21:48","slug":"happy-birthday-to-the-abster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/garyborders.com\/pages\/happy-birthday-to-the-abster\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday to the Abster"},"content":{"rendered":"

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In just a few days my youngest daughter turns 14, going on 20. Anybody who has raised a teenager knows what I mean. One moment they\u2019re still kids, giggling while rolling on the floor with the puppy, complaining because we\u2019re making them take a bath. Moments later, they\u2019re trying on massive amounts of makeup and spending hours primping in front of the mirror, wearing out the hair straightener while adding a sawbuck to the electric bill.<\/p>\n

Teens\u2019 heads can spin on a dime, ala Linda Blair in \u201cThe Exorcist.\u201d Suddenly your IQ has dropped below freezing, in their estimation, because you won\u2019t let them do what the mysterious \u201cMr. or Ms. Everybody\u201d are doing. As in, \u201cBut Mom, everybody is going to the midnight showing of \u201cZombies Eat Their Young.\u201d\u201d If I ever meet this Everybody Duo, I\u2019m going to chastise them for making the responsible parent\u2019s life such a challenge.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t my first foray into raising teens, so not much surprises me in my dotage. The Abster, as we call her, became my daughter when her mom \u2014 the Beautiful Mystery Companion \u2014 and I married last June. It was a package deal and quite the bargain for yours truly \u2014 a woman I adore, another daughter to love, and Rosie, the World\u2019s Cutest Dog. Seriously. We could rent Rosie out to single adults looking for a mate. Take her down the jogging trail, and folks just swoon over that pooch.<\/p>\n

Abbie is smart, gorgeous, has a huge heart and will likely serve on the U.S. Supreme Court after a distinguished legal career \u2014 unless she decides to become president instead. The girl can argue with a rock\u2014 the material that at times she believes comprises the space between her parents\u2019 ears. I look forward to hearing her first trial summation, if she chooses that path. The other side doesn\u2019t stand a chance; her parents rarely do.<\/p>\n

She remains our compass \u2014 literally. It remains a tossup which of us alleged adults is worse at finding our way around. We rely heavily on our two GPS devices \u2014 both named Gretel because she leaves electronic crumbs for us to find our way back. The GPS isn\u2019t much help when walking unfamiliar streets on vacation, trying to remember where we parked. Abster has rescued us from meandering any number of times, shaking her head in bemusement at her directionally challenged parents.<\/p>\n

In the nearly four years we have been hanging out, Ab is the go-to girl when it comes to all electronic gadgets. Her mom and I will be poring over the owner\u2019s manual trying to decipher instructions written by someone for who English is not a native language, while Abster just grabs the device and starts figuring out how it works. It doesn\u2019t matter what it is: iPhone, digital camera, new television, the aforementioned GPS. She will have it up and running before we have managed to find the index in the owner\u2019s manual.<\/p>\n

It will not come as a shock to parents or grandparents of teens reading this to learn that our daughter would prefer to spend every waking moment on Facebook, while clutching her phone in anticipation of the next text message, the iPod\u2019s earbuds implanted in her skull. It is a grave injustice, in her view, that we don\u2019t let her do that, that there are limits to electronic use. Tough turkey. This ain\u2019t my first rodeo listening to teenagers complain about how mean I am as a dad. She will thank me someday when she approaches middle age and hopefully can still hear and see without glasses or hearing aids. Of course, I will be decrepit or dust by the time Ab is middle-aged. Best not dwell on that.<\/p>\n

We have had some grand times together, the three of us, with lots of laughter as well as holding on to each other during times of loss and sorrow. I feel blessed and privileged to be Abbie\u2019s dad and to do whatever I can to help her grow into the fine young woman she is certain to become. It\u2019s been a wonderful journey thus far, and God willing it will continue for many years.<\/p>\n

Happy Birthday, Abster. And turn down that iPod.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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